No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
