I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
