he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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