I wish you could order shots online.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
