Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize