I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
