he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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