On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize