SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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