Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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