SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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