If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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