Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
