who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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