He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina is officially offended.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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