Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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