You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
