You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
