If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
