I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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