oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
