Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
