Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
