Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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