it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
