I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
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