I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
