she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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