It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
