My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
