So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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