i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
