I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
