He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize