I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
