She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
