Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
