you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
