There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
