She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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