john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
