How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
