I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
