Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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