Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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