Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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