Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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