I think I just saw someone hide a body.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
