It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
