Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
