I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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