Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
