I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
