New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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