I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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