the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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