so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
