My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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