God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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