Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
