Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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