do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize