are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
