I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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