i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
