watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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