I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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