you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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