There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
