youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
