careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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