I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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