I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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