I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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