I want to make a zoo with you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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