I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
